Thursday, May 31, 2012
Thursday, April 26, 2012
Saturday, July 5, 2008
Bullies - from politics to the world of modelling
Over the last month or so the Australian media have committed hundreds of hours to 'Iguana - gate'. A scandal involving a Labor Member of Parliament, Belinda Neal, coercing her staff into signing false statements denying her bullying behaviour towards employees at Iguanas Waterfront Restaurant.
There's no condoning Belinda's behavior and as you know, I abhor bullies. But why the blinding spotlight on her alone? Have you ever watched a session of Parliament? I've never seen a bigger bunch of childish (and that's an insult to children BTW!), mocking, game playing, shouting, tantruming, politicking behavior and these are 'our' representatives. Why aren't there investigations and action taken in that environment as well?
The public is also angered by Belinda's behavior (as they should be) but then I personally witness someone say, "How dare she use her power and treat others like rubbish!" and then immediately turn around to their assistant and shout, "I don't need you to question what I ask you do to, I just need you to do it."
The 'Bad Belinda Behavior' isn't isolated, every day, in every city, of every country someone is being bullied by a colleague. Why do we let it happen?
Now let's take a huge leap to the other end of the spectrum, where we find a beguiling bully in the form of 16 year-old reality TV show contestant, Demelza Reveley.
Throughout the show she bullied, bitched, acted like a spoilt brat and then went onto WIN the title of Australia's Next Top Model!!!
Good work everybody, let's reward bad behavior with a lucrative modeling contract, a spread in Australian Vogue (during the finale Editor, Christy Clements, stated she would not vote for Demelza due to her unsavory behavior. Christy has declared she will not be on the cover and will only honor the 8 page spread she is contractually obliged to run), a brand new car and the rest of the loot she scored for being a 'mean girl'.
She did manage a fake apology to her victim during the finale, but up to the very last frame of the TV package she was still making bitchy comments about the girls - obviously she didn't learn despite the hundreds of disgusted comments on online forms and warnings from the judges.
From a 16 year old brat to a brazen politician Australians are obviously enraged by the behavior. Now, I ask you to make the same observations, take the same anger of either being or seeing a victim, and understanding that bullying behavior is NOT OK. Take a good hard look at yourself and your workplace and take action to ban bullying.
Let's learn from these bitches and become better for it, I wish them well in their counselling sessions.
How to Handle this Situation
Mind
Occasionally bullying occurs because victims and abusers aren't clear on what's considered bullying behavior. You may think you're the sweetest person on earth but have you ever?
- excluded or isolated a colleague from a situation
- deliberately held back information someone would need to get their work done properly
- allocated impossible jobs that can't be done in the given time or the resources provided (I've seen this numerous times where bosses say, "Yes" to appease someone. It's easy to say, "Yes" when you're not the one doing the job and you then put unnecessary pressure on others to achieve it. I know of one Manager whose team works until 8pm or later and she waltzes out the door at 5pm.)
- taken credit for other's work but never take the blame when things go wrong (see post below for more on that!)
- spread malicious rumours about a co-worker
- no matter what a team member does it's never good enough, and you tell them so, but you take no steps to up skill them or provide them tools to improve
As you can see, bullying is much more than, threats, screaming, shouting abuse and obscenities. Make yourself familiar with this unacceptable behavior to make sure you don't fall into either the victim or bully categories.
Bullying is extremely serious, so here's some information on bullying in the workplace and how to manage it:
http://workplacebullying.org/
http://www.dignityatwork.org/advice/what-is-bullying/default.htm
http://www.worksmart.org.uk/rights/what_can_i_do_if_i_am
http://209.85.141.104/search?q=cache:0vw0_62ALEIJ:www.bullying.com.au/docs/workplace-test.doc+am+i+being+bullied+at+work&hl=en&ct=clnk&cd=6&gl=au
http://www.reachout.com.au/default.asp?ti=1666
Body
Bullying can be covert behavior at times but it can also be blatantly physical. Just ask the HR Director of a major insurance firm who honed her skills at ducking flying office furniture. If you are at a workplace which doesn't take bullying seriously, then you need to move on as no one should put up with it.
Spirit
Not sure if you're being bullied? Just check in on how certain interactions make you feel. Nathanial said one Senior Manager used to make him shake in his boots because every time he had a conversation with her she used to shout, groan, roll her eyes, interrupt, talk over him and act impatient.
If certain relationships don't feel good then please check out the resources to manage the behavior.
As in any bad relationship the victim can lose their sense of self-worth, believe what's being said about them and the situation turns into a self-fulfilling prophecy. So stop what's going on before it gets to this stage.
There's no condoning Belinda's behavior and as you know, I abhor bullies. But why the blinding spotlight on her alone? Have you ever watched a session of Parliament? I've never seen a bigger bunch of childish (and that's an insult to children BTW!), mocking, game playing, shouting, tantruming, politicking behavior and these are 'our' representatives. Why aren't there investigations and action taken in that environment as well?
The public is also angered by Belinda's behavior (as they should be) but then I personally witness someone say, "How dare she use her power and treat others like rubbish!" and then immediately turn around to their assistant and shout, "I don't need you to question what I ask you do to, I just need you to do it."
The 'Bad Belinda Behavior' isn't isolated, every day, in every city, of every country someone is being bullied by a colleague. Why do we let it happen?
Now let's take a huge leap to the other end of the spectrum, where we find a beguiling bully in the form of 16 year-old reality TV show contestant, Demelza Reveley.
Throughout the show she bullied, bitched, acted like a spoilt brat and then went onto WIN the title of Australia's Next Top Model!!!
Good work everybody, let's reward bad behavior with a lucrative modeling contract, a spread in Australian Vogue (during the finale Editor, Christy Clements, stated she would not vote for Demelza due to her unsavory behavior. Christy has declared she will not be on the cover and will only honor the 8 page spread she is contractually obliged to run), a brand new car and the rest of the loot she scored for being a 'mean girl'.
She did manage a fake apology to her victim during the finale, but up to the very last frame of the TV package she was still making bitchy comments about the girls - obviously she didn't learn despite the hundreds of disgusted comments on online forms and warnings from the judges.
From a 16 year old brat to a brazen politician Australians are obviously enraged by the behavior. Now, I ask you to make the same observations, take the same anger of either being or seeing a victim, and understanding that bullying behavior is NOT OK. Take a good hard look at yourself and your workplace and take action to ban bullying.
Let's learn from these bitches and become better for it, I wish them well in their counselling sessions.
How to Handle this Situation
Mind
Occasionally bullying occurs because victims and abusers aren't clear on what's considered bullying behavior. You may think you're the sweetest person on earth but have you ever?
- excluded or isolated a colleague from a situation
- deliberately held back information someone would need to get their work done properly
- allocated impossible jobs that can't be done in the given time or the resources provided (I've seen this numerous times where bosses say, "Yes" to appease someone. It's easy to say, "Yes" when you're not the one doing the job and you then put unnecessary pressure on others to achieve it. I know of one Manager whose team works until 8pm or later and she waltzes out the door at 5pm.)
- taken credit for other's work but never take the blame when things go wrong (see post below for more on that!)
- spread malicious rumours about a co-worker
- no matter what a team member does it's never good enough, and you tell them so, but you take no steps to up skill them or provide them tools to improve
As you can see, bullying is much more than, threats, screaming, shouting abuse and obscenities. Make yourself familiar with this unacceptable behavior to make sure you don't fall into either the victim or bully categories.
Bullying is extremely serious, so here's some information on bullying in the workplace and how to manage it:
http://workplacebullying.org/
http://www.dignityatwork.org/advice/what-is-bullying/default.htm
http://www.worksmart.org.uk/rights/what_can_i_do_if_i_am
http://209.85.141.104/search?q=cache:0vw0_62ALEIJ:www.bullying.com.au/docs/workplace-test.doc+am+i+being+bullied+at+work&hl=en&ct=clnk&cd=6&gl=au
http://www.reachout.com.au/default.asp?ti=1666
Body
Bullying can be covert behavior at times but it can also be blatantly physical. Just ask the HR Director of a major insurance firm who honed her skills at ducking flying office furniture. If you are at a workplace which doesn't take bullying seriously, then you need to move on as no one should put up with it.
Spirit
Not sure if you're being bullied? Just check in on how certain interactions make you feel. Nathanial said one Senior Manager used to make him shake in his boots because every time he had a conversation with her she used to shout, groan, roll her eyes, interrupt, talk over him and act impatient.
If certain relationships don't feel good then please check out the resources to manage the behavior.
As in any bad relationship the victim can lose their sense of self-worth, believe what's being said about them and the situation turns into a self-fulfilling prophecy. So stop what's going on before it gets to this stage.
Until next time.
M
Thursday, May 15, 2008
Whose line is it anyway? Thought thievery in the workplace.
I’ve been robbed twice in one week!
The first time I was sitting in a meeting as the CEO praised Amanda for her good work on a human resources initiative to attract and retain quality employees.
“Amanda has reworked this project so it better reflects employee benefits and needs,” the CEO said. He then went on to list major improvements, all of which I suggested to Amanda in an hour-long meeting we had the week prior. I said the project needed an overhaul as it was filled with unmeasurable generalisations and included no employee benefits, no statistics, no behavioural indicators, basically, no ‘people’ stuff.
Amanda basked in the glory of my hijacked material as the CEO acknowledged her for understanding the emotional and behavioural sides of employees, the exact areas I told Amanda were missing from the project.
She had stolen my ideas and presented them as her own. I wouldn’t have minded so much if she had made a simple acknowledgment, “I have to say, a lot of the changes came out of a meeting Belinda and I had.” But not a peep was uttered through her smug smile.
It must have been a dry idea week because not only were my peers stealing from me, but I was also robbed by a person in my team!
I was having dinner with work friends when Monica asked, “You know the Clothing Club initiative, was that your idea?”
I proudly acknowledged it was. Clothing Club allowed employees a stab at the previously forbidden garment samples we produced and many said they were saving hundreds of dollars a year.
“I thought it was your project,” Monica said, “Do you know Therese got up in front of the entire company and said it was her idea? I was watching people’s reactions and they clearly weren’t very impressed with her claim to your Clothing Club concept.”
So there it was, thought thievery, twice in one week: in the first instance the only two people who knew about my input were Amanda and myself, in the second, dozens of people within the organisation knew Clothing Club was my idea.
In both cases I think they were desperate for praise and recognition, even if they had to steal from me to get it.
I know Therese is insecure as she constantly recites her resume to new colleagues to reassure them of her abilities. Instead of gaining faith in her expertise they hear someone bragging about their skills, which often brings up their insecurities and turns the conversation into a duel. “Yes, well I’ve had experience in…” The thing is Therese has great ideas of her own, and I was happy to share the glory, so what was she thinking?
In Amanda’s case, I’m not sure if it was insecurity or confidence. She’s a new employee who just completed her three-month probationary period when ‘the incident’ occurred. Prior to that she appeared to be on her best behaviour whilst lulling us into a false sense of security. After passing probation, she obviously felt she had job security and traded in her common convertible for a BMW and asked for an office upgrade. Perhaps she was feeling bold and didn’t think the CEO would praise her in front of everybody, including the person she stole the ideas from.
In each case I was a little shocked and disappointed in my colleagues especially as I am one of those people who constantly acknowledges workmates. If I hear a great quote I say, “Sandy has this great saying.” When someone shares a good idea I build its profile, “David told me about a thought he had and we’re going to work on implementing it.”
It’s not professional to take credit for ideas that don’t belong to you. Even if someone told you something that sparked a personal pearler, let other people know about it. Acknowledgement is a great gift to your colleagues.
If you’ve had an idea stolen, how did it make you feel? Most people get m-a-d and ‘how dare they!’ often pops into their mind. Unfortunately, they don’t confront the thief. Instead they go around telling their workmates about the dirty dog and rarely do they expose them to their bosses as in many cases the culprit is their boss.
If you’ve been the victim of thought thievery and haven’t confronted the perpetrator, or at least clarified the situation with those who have been disillusioned by the thief, you’re leaving it open to happen again. So try to expose the situation.
In Amanda’s case I casually said to the CEO, “It’s great that the company is creating a better workplace environment. Amanda and I had a meeting last week and discussed the project. I’m glad she valued my opinion and incorporated the suggestions I gave her around…” I could see the cogs turning in the CEO’s head as it registered that all those ‘great ideas’ he praised Amanda for, were actually mine.
I didn’t have to do anything in Therese’s case as she exposed herself when she foolishly announced to two hundred people that her initiative had finally launched. She’d only been with the company for three weeks and many knew the project started a month before that. In her case, justice was immediately done and people became instantly wary. Perhaps she thought I wouldn’t find out because I wasn’t at the meeting, she was wrong.
Perhaps it’s possible you’re not the victim, but the perpetrator who steals ideas with a repertoire of justifications? “Sure we talked about it, but I presented it, so it really is my idea.” Or “I don’t remember you telling me anything about that.”
What in your nature encourages you to steal? And let me ask you, what if the person you’re presenting to dislikes ‘your’ concepts? Would you suddenly attribute those ideas to the person you stole from, as you’re happy to take the glory, but not the blame?
Remember the warnings that appear at the beginning of DVDs concerning copyright? It’s the same principle so whether you’re the victim or thought thief, the message is clear: stealing is stealing.
How to handle this situation
Mind
Part of you wants to jump and scream, “You dirty $*#@, how dare you steal my idea and present it as your own!” But how often have you seen that happen (wouldn’t it be great)? Learn from the experience and be mindful of what you share with this person in future, don’t withhold creativity, but feed them very little. Also, let those who’ve been fleeced by the thief know about it, “I’m glad you liked Amanda’s presentation and I was pleased to see that she used many of my suggestions such as…”
Some thought thieves are occasionally so audacious that they repeat your idea back to you at a later stage. Don’t seethe, be bold and say something, “That’s great you want to go ahead with what I mentioned last week. I’m happy to develop my idea.”
Body
I know from colleagues that their initial ‘body’ approach is the desire to slap some sense into the thief. But let’s not go there. Take deep breaths and let the anger flow out of your body, don’t hold on to it.
Spirit
Rest assured you’ll come up with many more unique ideas. You have the gift of creation, the thief obviously doesn’t. Eventually they will be exposed.
The first time I was sitting in a meeting as the CEO praised Amanda for her good work on a human resources initiative to attract and retain quality employees.
“Amanda has reworked this project so it better reflects employee benefits and needs,” the CEO said. He then went on to list major improvements, all of which I suggested to Amanda in an hour-long meeting we had the week prior. I said the project needed an overhaul as it was filled with unmeasurable generalisations and included no employee benefits, no statistics, no behavioural indicators, basically, no ‘people’ stuff.
Amanda basked in the glory of my hijacked material as the CEO acknowledged her for understanding the emotional and behavioural sides of employees, the exact areas I told Amanda were missing from the project.
She had stolen my ideas and presented them as her own. I wouldn’t have minded so much if she had made a simple acknowledgment, “I have to say, a lot of the changes came out of a meeting Belinda and I had.” But not a peep was uttered through her smug smile.
It must have been a dry idea week because not only were my peers stealing from me, but I was also robbed by a person in my team!
I was having dinner with work friends when Monica asked, “You know the Clothing Club initiative, was that your idea?”
I proudly acknowledged it was. Clothing Club allowed employees a stab at the previously forbidden garment samples we produced and many said they were saving hundreds of dollars a year.
“I thought it was your project,” Monica said, “Do you know Therese got up in front of the entire company and said it was her idea? I was watching people’s reactions and they clearly weren’t very impressed with her claim to your Clothing Club concept.”
So there it was, thought thievery, twice in one week: in the first instance the only two people who knew about my input were Amanda and myself, in the second, dozens of people within the organisation knew Clothing Club was my idea.
In both cases I think they were desperate for praise and recognition, even if they had to steal from me to get it.
I know Therese is insecure as she constantly recites her resume to new colleagues to reassure them of her abilities. Instead of gaining faith in her expertise they hear someone bragging about their skills, which often brings up their insecurities and turns the conversation into a duel. “Yes, well I’ve had experience in…” The thing is Therese has great ideas of her own, and I was happy to share the glory, so what was she thinking?
In Amanda’s case, I’m not sure if it was insecurity or confidence. She’s a new employee who just completed her three-month probationary period when ‘the incident’ occurred. Prior to that she appeared to be on her best behaviour whilst lulling us into a false sense of security. After passing probation, she obviously felt she had job security and traded in her common convertible for a BMW and asked for an office upgrade. Perhaps she was feeling bold and didn’t think the CEO would praise her in front of everybody, including the person she stole the ideas from.
In each case I was a little shocked and disappointed in my colleagues especially as I am one of those people who constantly acknowledges workmates. If I hear a great quote I say, “Sandy has this great saying.” When someone shares a good idea I build its profile, “David told me about a thought he had and we’re going to work on implementing it.”
It’s not professional to take credit for ideas that don’t belong to you. Even if someone told you something that sparked a personal pearler, let other people know about it. Acknowledgement is a great gift to your colleagues.
If you’ve had an idea stolen, how did it make you feel? Most people get m-a-d and ‘how dare they!’ often pops into their mind. Unfortunately, they don’t confront the thief. Instead they go around telling their workmates about the dirty dog and rarely do they expose them to their bosses as in many cases the culprit is their boss.
If you’ve been the victim of thought thievery and haven’t confronted the perpetrator, or at least clarified the situation with those who have been disillusioned by the thief, you’re leaving it open to happen again. So try to expose the situation.
In Amanda’s case I casually said to the CEO, “It’s great that the company is creating a better workplace environment. Amanda and I had a meeting last week and discussed the project. I’m glad she valued my opinion and incorporated the suggestions I gave her around…” I could see the cogs turning in the CEO’s head as it registered that all those ‘great ideas’ he praised Amanda for, were actually mine.
I didn’t have to do anything in Therese’s case as she exposed herself when she foolishly announced to two hundred people that her initiative had finally launched. She’d only been with the company for three weeks and many knew the project started a month before that. In her case, justice was immediately done and people became instantly wary. Perhaps she thought I wouldn’t find out because I wasn’t at the meeting, she was wrong.
Perhaps it’s possible you’re not the victim, but the perpetrator who steals ideas with a repertoire of justifications? “Sure we talked about it, but I presented it, so it really is my idea.” Or “I don’t remember you telling me anything about that.”
What in your nature encourages you to steal? And let me ask you, what if the person you’re presenting to dislikes ‘your’ concepts? Would you suddenly attribute those ideas to the person you stole from, as you’re happy to take the glory, but not the blame?
Remember the warnings that appear at the beginning of DVDs concerning copyright? It’s the same principle so whether you’re the victim or thought thief, the message is clear: stealing is stealing.
How to handle this situation
Mind
Part of you wants to jump and scream, “You dirty $*#@, how dare you steal my idea and present it as your own!” But how often have you seen that happen (wouldn’t it be great)? Learn from the experience and be mindful of what you share with this person in future, don’t withhold creativity, but feed them very little. Also, let those who’ve been fleeced by the thief know about it, “I’m glad you liked Amanda’s presentation and I was pleased to see that she used many of my suggestions such as…”
Some thought thieves are occasionally so audacious that they repeat your idea back to you at a later stage. Don’t seethe, be bold and say something, “That’s great you want to go ahead with what I mentioned last week. I’m happy to develop my idea.”
Body
I know from colleagues that their initial ‘body’ approach is the desire to slap some sense into the thief. But let’s not go there. Take deep breaths and let the anger flow out of your body, don’t hold on to it.
Spirit
Rest assured you’ll come up with many more unique ideas. You have the gift of creation, the thief obviously doesn’t. Eventually they will be exposed.
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